The Shadow of What Was
by DragonMaster65
Summary: After weeks of moving on from the end of the war, Katara struggles to get over one special person missing from her life. [Pro-Bending Circuit] [Complete]


**A/N: This isn't my usual type of fic. As most of y'all know, I tend to write Zutara fairly exclusively. This Fall I'm participating in a fic event called the Pro-Bending Circuit, which is what caused this fic to come to life. This A/N is also a little bit longer to cover the "paperwork" for the fic so please bear with me.**

 **This is my submission for Round One: Reunited.**

 **Prompt: "Write about a time when the persons were apart"  
Bonus prompts: Aang (Character), POV 1st (Restriction)  
Word Count: 3094  
Position: Waterbender  
Bonus Points: Probably none unless Katara's bending of wine would count as "plot relevant"**

* * *

 **The Shadow of What Was**

Mornings felt strange and foreign to me, even though I should have long since adjusted to the new norm. Appa still carried us around as we travelled the Nations, and we had to break camp each day and load up the hulking Sky Bison; but it wasn't the same. Aang didn't sleep past daybreak, waking up with such ease that I constantly envied. I wanted to steal those last dregs of sleep while the sun finished burning off the morning haze that lingered in the air.

But we had places to go, goals to accomplish. Each day Aang shook my shoulder to wake me, and I thanked him before rolling over to stare at an empty space. There was no third set of hands helping to roll up bags or another mouth complaining about how stale the bread was getting. My brother was the voice of reason under all that sarcasm and nerve-grating complaints.

Aang remained at ease, finally free from the pressures of fixing everything before the Comet could end the world. We were part of damage control now, a salve to the world's healing wounds. It also helped that he escaped into a deep meditative state while I worked away at breakfast. Today I stared at the third portion sitting smugly in the pot, hating how even breakfast refused to allow me to forget that Sokka was down South, finally the man he'd always wanted to be.

Working past the sensation, I scraped out the excess porridge into the fire and scrubbed out the pot so we could do it all over again tomorrow. I could see Aang's frown at the wasted food. He wore his emotions on his sleeve; I kept mine burrowed deep inside until they burst past my mental barriers in a flood of hurt and denial.

"Used the wrong scoop for the oats," I offered to explain.

"Makes sense," he said with a nod. "I'll try to remind you tomorrow to use the other one."

* * *

I used the wrong scoop again. Aang meditated through my internal dialogue on how idiotic it was to get emotional about breakfast. We ate. I rolled up two sleeping bags. Aang helped me up onto Appa's saddle and there was no one for me to reach down to pick up. When we landed for the evening, no one cracked terrible jokes or helped me to finish the last of the jerky.

* * *

The morning before we arrived at our most recent destination, I made breakfast the right way. It didn't help the empty hole in my chest, but at least Aang didn't give me that look. We flew for another hour or so and reached the small Earth Kingdom village.

I struggled to contain the grimace that settled on my face the moment that Appa's feet touched the earth. This was supposed to be a mission of peacekeeping as this village was born out of a Fire Nation colony. My heart dropped at the familiar signs of violence. Scorch marks marked the woodwork and paper doors were peppered with irregular holes. Aang sighed next to me, his shoulders drooping. "I thought things had calmed down here," he said quietly.

I nodded, taking the time to carefully consider everything around us. Upon closer inspection the damage was old. Repair work had been done on many of the buildings - though some were clearly abandoned - and the ashy burns had faded from weeks of rainfall. "This probably happened around the time of the comet, maybe slightly before," I commented. "Back when everyone was desperate. But there's signs of progress, so let's not give up before we've even started."

Aang breathed another sigh, this one not so deep. Then he fell into that confident posture he'd shown at Zuko's coronation. The Avatar was ready to work. This was our life now. Diving headfirst into the ruins of the war and finding a way to make it better. It was better than fighting for our lives but was no less difficult.

We got directions from one of the villagers who had heard Appa's landing and made our way to the village leader's home. The closer we got, the more signs of unrest cropped up. A statue had been reduced to rubble and more often than not the homes in this section looked like empty shells. I didn't tell Aang when I realized how fresh it was. He worked best without being completely disheartened.

The architecture style changed slightly as well, with flared rooftops and glinting brass accenting the typical wood and paper buildings normally seen in the Earth Kingdom. This was where the Fire Nation colonists had settled most densely. I saw glinting golden eyes peering out from the windows of the still-occupied homes. They were intent on the Avatar and frightened. At the leader's home we were ushered inside by two men in Fire Navy uniforms, though they had no weapons or face masks.

"Avatar Aang," a loud voice boomed. "And Master Bender Katara. It honors us to host you." The village leader stood up from her seat at a long table. She waved us over eagerly, shaking Aang's hand and introducing herself as Tsu Ming. My attention was focused on the dark-haired teenager sitting at the head of the table.

Zuko still had that uncomfortable and eager smile when he saw Aang and I. I wanted to rush over and give him a proper greeting, but there would be time for that later. He wasn't here as Zuko, but rather as the Fire Lord working with the Avatar to bridge a tricky divide. We got right down into the meat of the issue at hand as Tsu detailed her struggles.

This village had been seized by the Fire Nation more than two decades ago. That was when she had been installed as its leader. Now that they were attempting to make reparations, the original citizens of villages and cities like this one were demanding that they be returned entirely to the Earth Kingdom.

This was our job. Find problems. Wrestle out solutions. Fly to the next place and do the same thing over again.

* * *

Aang infuriated me because he just _assumed_ that there was a solution to be found. Zuko was almost worse with his equal and opposite assumption that there wasn't one. Compromise between both sides seemed to be beyond elusive. It was completely gone.

I stood up, slamming my palms on the table to demand attention. "Stop for one second. Everyone, _stop,"_ I insisted.

The bickering from all sides faded out until we were left in silence. "Can we take a moment to remember that this isn't about the war anymore?" I asked. Someone tried to interject, but I glared at them. It didn't matter which side they were on, Earth Kingdom or Fire Nation. "It isn't. This village has stood for far longer than the war lasted and it's going to survive and thrive for longer still. The question is, are you going to rip it apart just for the sake of what nation it pays taxes to?"

"That's not the point," Zuko groaned. Betrayal of my call for silence, even from my own friends.

"Of course it's the point. At least, that's the point that is going to matter to your angry council members if you lose your claim, Zuko. Or to the Earth King's council if he loses his. But we're here. We can see the _village_ for what it is," I insisted.

Finally I got my silence as no one interrupted as I took a quick sip of water. My mouth was dry; I had no problem speaking up for what I thought usually, but my nerves were frayed. "A village is a gathering of people. Neighbors, family, friends, and even rivals. But everyone lives and works and helps each other. Isn't that what's been happening here for twenty years?"

"Longer," one of Tsu's serving girls said. She turned bright red when everyone's heads turned to look at her. I nodded and gave her a reassuring smile to encourage her to continue. Clearing her throat, the girl added, "My older sister said it's been peaceful nearly the whole time, even after the Fire Nation installed Tsu. It's only been the end of the war with the return of Earth Kingdom soldiers that things have become hostile."

"Before it was Fire Nation and still after, the people here have worked together. Until now, now that we're arguing over what banner should fly overhead." I felt a surge of emotion rise up in me, crashing along the edge of my control. I fought to remain clear-headed as I made my final plea. "Don't people have the right to stay where they've grown up? Where they've made a life for themselves and done their best to keep the peace? I thought that was the point of us being here," I said. My hands would have shaken if I had moved them from the table.

"Don't forget about the people who have been making peace work right out there while you're trying to figure it out in here."

* * *

For all the arguments and raised voices, I didn't struggle putting those emotions aside for dinner. I'd missed seeing familiar faces too much to stay upset at Zuko. In fact, everyone was quite relieved that we could calmly walk away from the discussion and settle into a meal.

Aang and I gently turned down Tsu's invitation to dine with her family. Neither of us had the ambition to maintain the required level of civility, especially since we were trying to stay impartial with the ongoing discussions. Impartiality was already out the window when it came to Zuko, though, so I didn't find any problem with stealing him away from his retinue for dinner. We recaptured a small glimpse of what used to be as we secured a small table at the village's sole restaurant.

One course of local fruits and the promise of more food to come eased the set of my shoulders and lightened my mood spectacularly. Zuko refused to be bogged down by the gravitas of his position, sitting cross-legged across from me.

Aang buffeted his napkin around the table as we waited for the next course, earning a giggle from me and an exasperated head-shake from Zuko. "You need to come back with me to the capital," the firebender said as he finally lost the battle and cracked a grin. "I need someone to un-stuff the stuffed shirts in my council."

"You need to capture the Avatar to regain your sanity?" I teased. "I'll have to fight you to keep him, you know. I need my days brightened, too." Under the table I wiggled a pair of fingers to coax the mulled wine in his cup into a loose ball. As soon as the Fire Lord looked at me - and away from both Aang and the cup - I flicked my wrist to guide the orb of water to crash atop Zuko's head.

Zuko whipped his head to glower at Aang who was now laughing at full volume. A few patrons looked around, curiosity piqued. "Oh I see how it is," Zuko thundered.

"Wait, wait, wait. I'll fix it," Aang managed between heaving laughs. He inhaled deeply and I was powerless to do more than say Zuko's name in warning. WIth a puff of air and willpower, the wine was blasted from Zuko's head along with the tie around his hair and the golden crown that had sat there.

"Oh no," I said, wincing. Aang got painfully quiet in an instant. He started from his chair to retrieve the dislodged items.

In a moment of unbridled awkwardness our next course of food arrived while this was unfolding. The servers avoided all eye contact, cheeks flushed. They left hurriedly without checking if we wanted anything else. I chewed on my lip and waited until both boys had gathered themselves again. "This is what happens when we don't have Sokka around to be a buffer," I mumbled.

"You mean as your preferred target," Zuko said. He paused from refilling his cup to raise one eyebrow at me. "I should have realized that Aang doesn't tend to try and down his victims. Should I bother refilling this again or will I be giving you more ammunition?"

He was still in a good mood, refilling everyone's cups as I apologized for the prank. "Don't bother. It's fine, really," Zuko insisted.

Aang lifted his cup - filled with cider rather than wine - and proposed a toast to celebrate our reunion.

"As much of a reunion as it is," I glowered. Something about the word soured my good mood. The wine in my cup tasted bittersweet and I played with the liquid instead, swirling it around idly with one finger.

Aang frowned and sat once more, taking a long draw as he finished the toast. Zuko drank too, his attention thoroughly distracted from the food in front of us. "It is too bad that we're just only half here," he commented.

"Well, yeah, but Toph hates diplomacy more than her family. So she was never going to come along this time," Aang said.

I nodded grimly, adding, "She said 'if skulls weren't going to get cracked' then she didn't want to come."

Zuko looked between Aang and I as he tried to figure out which one of us to address his next question to. "And did Sokka and Suki feel the same way?"

I pressed my eyes shut and counted silently while Aang answered. "They both went back home to do their own rebuilding. Katara was there, too, for a bit but-"

"But I found out that no one wanted my help back at the South Pole. At least for now," I cut in.

"Well," Aang muttered, "I was going to say that you can do more out here than back there, but that's another way to put it."

Exhaling slowly, I rested my forehead against one set of knuckles. "I'm sorry, Aang. And to you, too, Zuko. I'm being a real mooselion. It's just been… really hard. Sokka and I have never been apart for this long - or this far away - before," I apologized.

"We've always had each other. When Mom died, when Dad left to go to war, even when we left the South Pole we _always_ had one another." The surge of emotions had risen again, this time blowing past the dam and rushing headlong with reckless abandon. I couldn't keep them bottled up anymore, and if anyone might understand what it was like to lose that familial anchor, it was Zuko.

"I just don't know how to deal with the fact that he's not there most days," I finished lamely. When neither youth responded I dove headlong into the few scoops of rice and steamed vegetables that had been spooned onto my plate. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Aang and Zuko exchanging rapid looks.

After a particularly hard head shake in my direction from Zuko, Aang tentatively asked, "Do you want to go back to the South Pole?"

A snicker died in my throat. Had either of them listened to what I had said? "Not really, no," I bit back. "Ideally in a perfect world, sure I'd go back there. I'd get to just live with Sokka and Gran-gran and everyone else that I walked away from a year ago. But that's not possible. It's no picnic down there and like I said, they don't need a waterbender to fix it. They need fishermen, builders, and council members."

The food in my stomach was turning sour and I wasn't actually tasting the spoonfuls that I took once again. Dropping my spoon, I looked back and forth between my two friends. "I just want things to feel normal again, but there really is no normal without Sokka around," I admitted. That was the heart of it, I think. He had always been my anchor, and now I had to figure out how to live as my own anchor.

Zuko exhaled slowly, his forehead furrowed. Aang was deferring to the other boy's judgement if his refusal to meet my eyes was any indication. "I wish that I had some sagely advice to give you about coping without your brother, but I don't have any to give. Azula and I, we never had what you had with Sokka," he said.

I winced. Of course things could have been worse. Sokka was helping to restore the South Pole, not locked up.

"I know it's no consolation, but when you are back with him again, you're going to appreciate him all the more," Zuko said. I grumbled a half-hearted thank you, but he wasn't done yet. "What I _can_ say from having lost Uncle - lost isn't the right word, but you know what I meant - from having lost him, I learned to pull myself up and find ways to think like him. It made me appreciate everything that I'd picked up from spending three years travelling with him.

"So what you might be able to do is instead of looking for the gap where Sokka was, look for what you can do to keep him around up here." Zuko pointed to his temple and gave a wry smile.

I wrestled one thumb over another on my lap. "And if that doesn't work?" I asked quietly.

"Then take control of your own direction and either make time to write to him, or go back to visit. You've got a flying bison," Aang added in helpfully. I chewed over their words for a few minutes, and they let me sit in silence while chatting about idle happenings back in the Fire Nation.

The server came by again, practically walking on eggshells until Aang enthused with her about the quality of the food. When we were alone again, I cleared my throat. Aang and Zuko peered curiously at me. "Thank you, to both of you. I'm sorry I brought things down for a bit," I said with a wince.

"S'okay," Aang chirped.

Zuko nodded as well. "What are friends for if we can't give each other some support when we need it?"

We settled back into comfortable conversation, and this time I actually enjoyed the course, the warm meat kebabs settling both my stomach and my mood.

* * *

The next morning, I made porridge for three. Zuko helped scrape the pot clean.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading and please do check the forums for the rest of the links to the Pro-Bending Circuit fics! My team is the White Falls WolfBats :]  
** **And, as usual, see my profile for details on how I reply to anon reviews and where I ramble about future projects.**


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